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trish bertuzzi

There once was a guy named Jude
He considered himself a road warrior dude
Then along came the phone
And now he lies prone
Selling high tech to those who he wooed.


Andrew Hagger

there once was a lady called Jill
whose goal was to spread sales goodwill
her email fanzine
kept subscribers keen
and their quotas they always did fill

Wumio

"Sell, sell," the execs say
The money's never enough for the day
"Well, well," go the frazzled employees
We have tried all to no ease
The problem must be the product you display

SalesDuJour

There was a salesman from Zorneding,
Who rang every doorbell with a ding-a-ling,
Doors slammed in his face,
He was a disgrace,
But turned it around with Snap Selling.

Jamie Bradley

If selling to big companies is tough
And your Boss says you don't do it enough
Get Jill Konrath's book
And take a good look
'Cause it's filled with lots of great stuff

Mike Sutton

I knew this fella called Mike,
who couldn't decide what he like,
when he sat on his hands,
he couldn't meet the demands,
of this journey known as life!

Mike Sutton

There was a mama named Sherry,
who was tall and thin and so fairy,
as she preps for her day,
she says prayers all the way,
and her world, well it ain't so scary!

Debbie Bartlett

There once was a sales rep from Maine.
With Creative ideas she just couldn't contain.

After reading Snap Selling multiple times.
Jill's now got her working on rhymes.

You better go to debbartlett.com before we all go in sane!

Rareagent

There once was a tweeter named Pete
who loved to send tweet after tweet
he sent Jill a tweet to ask for a meet
but Jill quickly retreated
For she labeled him twitter-fella from hella

Lynn Hidy

if your intentions they are diabolical
no matter if your pitch seems economical
the prospects they know
your desires do show
and your delivery will just appear comical

Brooke Fredette

There once was a chap named Sonny
He loved selling and people thought him funny
Alas, he forgot to close
Even though it was right under his nose
He had a lot of friends, but no money!

Jeff Kryder

Sales and marketing were out of alignment.
Neither could finish an assignment.
When they got on the same page
And defined leads on the same guage
Revenue broke through its confinement.

Bonnie Lowe

To be great at making the sale
Research to the finest detail
Your prospect's predicament
Or a recent trigger event
Be their solution and you'll never fail

Robert Wright

There was a fine woman called Jill,
Whose sales forecasts looked like a big hill
She thought what the fcuk,
I'll write another book,
SNAP SELLING was born, ring that till!

Dean Engel

there once was a salesman from chicago,
who repeated his shrill ostinato.
he failed to ask questions,
or give sound direction
and vanished from sales long ago.

Steve Shire - President Shire Commercial

There once was a top sales guy who hung with some dudes
They said just use the schmooz
He figured it would open up a new door
But it didn't and it had no rapport
And now he has the sales blues.

Robert Wright

Selling to Big Companies was it's name,
The book that created Jill's fame,
It made the smart think,
My sales approach must stink,
Now the smart are rich and the rest are lame

"C"

There once was a Gatekeeper named Jane
With whom I knew my message was left in vain
She was not a snob
Just doing her job
Blocking sales calls again and again.

Sue Glannan

There once was a CRM tool
The reps all thought it was real cool
It listed the deals and accounts
It helped build sales pipeline amounts
and WOW it made the competitors drool!

Sue Glannan

There once was a rep with much zeal
Who tried hard to win every deal
When her compeitor walked by
She let out a cry
Knowing she'd outsell for the steal!

Laurie

There once was a box maker named Rick
That complained that his glue wouldn't stick
I told him there is nothing wrong
You are simply taking too long
And must close those flaps really quick

David

There was a fair lady named Jill
In selling she had lots of skill
She could sell snow
To and Eskimo
To watch her was quite a thrill

Chris Morgan

Selling is quite universal
For most it requires rehearsal
Much can distract
But the wallet is stacked
When bad habits get a reversal

Charlene

There once was an Arab named Ahmed
He had to sell just one more bed
When he cold called a chick
His accent was too thick
She bought 100 pieces of lead

Dangerruss70

Manager says “Dial for the dollar!”
And like lemmings we foller
But wait! A better way?
Sharpen message! Research; add insight and value!
My quota’s that speck I just blew through!

Elizabeth Fairleigh


Marketing blames sales

For all that ails.

But when they agree

On lead quality

Revenue growth prevails.

Laurie

The secret to selling
Is that it's more like compelling
And it's also good to assess
Where we've found best success
As this is the road to excelling

Bill Hampton

There once was a fellow from Killarney
who was filled to the brim with the blarney.
Whatever he spoke
came out as a joke,
and two sides of a dish called McFarney.

There once was a lady from White Bear
who couldn't decide what to wear.
She said no to a coat
(she was traveling by boat)
and left for her trip fully bare.

While selling one day to a lady,
Bill made a suggestion quite shady.
She took him to task --
"Are you crazy?" she asked --
and struck him a blow quite weighty.

Donfperkins

There was a young man from Crete,
who's emails I'd always delete.
Then he learned how I think,
now his emails don't stink,
nor does his balance sheet.

Steve Fowler

There once was a hardware store marketing gal named Gail
It’s so sad she never understood or used direct mail
Her boss asked her for a number & it was all he could stand
As she spoke on and on about concepts & brand
He then fired Gail for not selling a hammer or nail

Scott Byorum

There once was a gal from Nantucket
Whose sales were down deep in the bucket
She had value to sell
But could not do it well
And with each click of the phone she said... "shuck-it."

Patweber

There once was an introvert in sales,
She was asked why she was so mute.
But she was confused.
And looked rather amused,
"Because I choose to listen rather than toot."

Patweber

Again there's that introvert who sells,
People wondered if she was having fun.
Being asked this often times,
She found it odd and so she chimed,
"Of course I do; and there doesn't even have to be a crowd."

Abhyuday Singh

Sean was enjoyin upthere in the air
Cause he got 2 big client in his pocket pairs
One day he just lost both client
Started wondering how to get new giants
Asked me how be compelling?
I said - right there - SNAP Selling

Scott

There once was a print salesman named Ben

he delivered a job and the client called back

saying there was a misprint on the back

It was not Ben's fault so they reordered again.

Sue Glannan

There once was a rep named Linn
Who did all he could do to Win
When he won a big deal
He celebrated with a meal
The rest he drowned in his Gin....

Mike Janisse

A great sales mentor to me,
Taught me how to listen and see,
That speaking abrupt,
Or “ show up and throw up”
Will not gain you the trust that you need.

JMA

There once was an expert named Jill,
Who knew we were selling uphill,
While we were taking our hits,
She gave us some tips,
And helped to make selling a thrill.

Anthony Juliano

There was once a hot shot sales fella
who took to the streets without an umbrella
the skies opened up and he was a yellin'
get me to the ivory tower so I can be a sellin
He subscribed to Konrath and is now gellin'

Earl W. Ford

There once was a lady named Jill
To her audience she is quite a thrill
Sales tips are her game
It brings her great fame
And you won't mind paying the bill!

Earl W. Ford

There once was a marketer named Earl
His limerick was judged quite a pearl
He wanted Jill's book
But he needed a hook
So he sent this and gave it a whirl!


Carolyngsell

When a prospect asks me for a price
I typically give this advice:
"Let me teach you my product
So you’ll know more about it"
Otherwise I’m just rolling the dice

Carolyngsell

If you’re in the sales profession
Take notice of this fine suggestion
You goal is to close
While hearing the “no’s”
It’s not just to make a connection

Tyler Wirth

A sales rep known from afar
Loved taking prospects to the bar
His spiel he'd deliver
Like the pints to his liver,
Which sadly now rests in a jar.

Mike Cooper

There once was a sales coach named O’Tool
Whose programs and solutions were cool.
His customers are rich
Because he understood their niche
And now they relax by the pool.

Dave Jordan

There once was sales rep not selling
And tears in his eyes were welling
He snapped up your book
And took a quick look
And now his sales figures are swelling.

Mike Cooper

There once was a sales dude name Thor,
A lousy inquisitor.
His presentations were stale.
He never asked for the sale.
He’s a professional visitor.

Ted Lee Sadler

There once was a man from the Mitt,
he served just a wee little bit.
He had some good news,
everyone could sure use.
And he thought it would be a good fit.

Jo Ann Rose

There is also this writer called Jo
Who thinks Earl at limericks is pro
But she does want to win
So she’s diving right in
Hoping Earl she does overthrow.

Jo Ann Rose

Jo can write, Jo can sing, Jo can dance.
Jo can sell if you give her a chance,
To apply Konrath's principles,
That will make prospects sizzle,
And become customers at a glance!

Brian Lunde

I was trying to sell perfume to "Rose",
But all she did was turn up her nose.
I needed a new strategy to tap,
So I read Konrath's book SNAP,
And made a scent Roses's nose finally chose!

Bob McIntyre

There once was a sales guy named Michael
Who hated his long sales cycle
After reading "Snap Selling"
His bosses are yelling
We wish we had more folks like Michael

Bob McIntyre

There once was a sales guy named Jed
With proposals his prospects would dread
Jill said, prospects will think that it’s neat
if you'd cut to the meat
And he found himself miles ahead

Bob McIntyre

Many "experts" write books
That aren't worth second looks
But there's one called "Snap Selling"
That everyone's telling
is a guideline for sales that cooks

Bob McIntyre

There once was a sales guy named Rudy
who sold a bit like "Judge Judy"
He'd stick to the facts
and keep things on track
And now he can't spend all his "booty"

Bob McIntyre

There once was a lady named Lizzy
Whose prospects were always too busy
But she figured out
a message with clout
and now she's so busy she's dizzy

Bob McIntyre

There once was a buyer named Mel
Who timed sales calls with a bell
If you took too much time
at the ring of the chime
Your proposal went to circular file Hell

Trinity

I once took a big selling course,
That taught you to make sales by force,
But i quickly changed styles,
And sold more with smiles,
And now I'm a trusted sales source.

GenoBizDev

There once was a guy named A. Hummel
Who needed to improve his sales funnel
He read Jill Konrath's SNAP Selling
and changed his approach to emailing
and increased his close rate by double

Brian Rood

There once was a prospect named Ray
Who just had to be called every day
So the rep rang without fail
With big hopes for a sale
Only to find no pay

Brian Rood

My sales manager said go door-to-door
I exited my car and sighed what a bore!
So I walked and I knocked
Hoping someone would talk!
Alas, this is not the best method de jour

SalesDuJour

Here's a tongue twister I thought up during a ballgame ;)

There was a customer from Ossining
Not one sales rep could sell her anything
To Jill Konrath one rep subscribed
On Jill’s book Snap Selling she imbibed
And now sells the woman in Ossening everything

Adam

There once was a sales guy named Luke
His sales pitch was nothing but puke
Not noticing the prospect was ready to buy
Someone needed to shut the mouth on this guy
They were ready to sign but now they rebuke

There once was a sales guy with a big mouth
He couldn't figure why his deal had gone south
The dollar signs in his head began to glisten
So much so he forgot to listen
Forgetting he has 2 ears and only one mouth

A sales person with a passion to succeed, it burned
To be recognized by his peers is what he truly yearned
A top achiever who was always admired
Until one day he cheated on his gas receipts and got fired
Honesty and integrity before sales numbers was the lesson he learned

There was a sales team who lived on the shoals
Top performers who always exceeded their goals
For each call they prepped and came prepared
Doing this gave them no reason to be scared
A lesson worthy of a mention on the Dead Sea Scrolls


Janice

There was a direct marketer whose mailing
Ne'r once resulted in failing
But then she used a call to action
That provided no satisfaction
So she suffered through all of sales' wailing

John

A salesmen is quick with his tongue
For on quotas his incentives are hung
And if his mouth isn't telling
A story compelling
His stomach's slow groans will be sung.

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