Prospecting: How to Create Instant Rapport

Calling Don Diggerman was always painful. Much as I wanted to do business with his company, I dreaded talking to him. I'd sit at my desk, staring at the phone, trying to figure out how I could avoid dealing with that man.

But it was just wishful thinking. The decision rested on Don's shoulders and unless I won him over, one of my competitors would get the order.

When I couldn't delay any longer, I'd close my eyes, take a long deep breath, and then slowly exhale. Over and over, perhaps twenty times or more. To the casual observer, it might have looked like I was meditating in the middle of the office. In reality, I was calming myself down before I called him.

You're probably wondering what was so awful about this man that caused me to go through all those gyrations. Was he abusive, ornery, or downright mean? Was he sneaky, manipulative or slimy?

No, this man was not an ogre. He was the nicest man in the whole wide world. Kind. Gracious. Warm. Everyone loved him - even me.

It was just that talking to him required a tremendous effort on my part. You see, Don was the slowest talker I've ever met.

When I'd catch him on the phone, I'd say something like, "Don, Jill Konrath calling."

"Oooooh, Jiiiiiilll," he'd say ever so slowly. "Howwwww niiiiiiiiice of youuuuuuu to caaaaaall. Weeeeeee've beeeeeeeen taaaaalking abooooout commmmming in for a deeeemooonstraaation, buuuuuut caaaaan't deeeeeciiiiiiiide if Tuuuuuuuesdaaaaay or Thurrrrrsdaaaaay is beeeeeettttter."

It took him forever to say anything - and it drove me up a wall. But he never knew, because I'd respond, "Donnnn. Caaaaaaaan weeeeee doooooo it onnnnnnn Thurrrrrsdaaaaay? It's beeeetter for meeeeeee."

Our entire conversation went at that speed - on purpose. If I'd talked to him normally, I would have scared him away. My goal-oriented behavior was totally out of synch with his laid-back, slow-paced manner.

Because I recognized this, I made a conscious decision to relate to Don in a manner that made him feel comfortable. Maintaining this calm demeanor was certainly not one bit relaxing for me though.
But, it wasn't about me. It was about my customer. I was treating him the way he wanted to be treated. And that's a good thing.

Comments

[John Windsor]

GREAT story, Jill. And I feel your pain . . .

[Jeff Blackwell]

Hello Jill. Do you believe this creates instant rapport?

[Jill Konrath]

Jeff, When two people are in rapport, their body language, voice tone, pace and more is in alignment. If I would have been more normal self with my prospect, I can guarantee you that I would have intimidated the man. But, because I slowed to his pace, I was able to build the relationship.

Is it the only thing? No. It's only a part of what it takes. Usually I talk about the verbiage and getting the message right. But the delivery is important too.

Jill

[Jeff Blackwell]

I appreciate the connection between 'alignment' and 'rapport'.

Will you be posting additional ideas in this blog post to give sales professionals a better understanding of how to create instant rapport?

[Jonathan]

Jill,

I am in total agreement (as usual!)

My view is that rapport is the most important process in influencing others. It is vital if you want to maintain relationships. Without it, you are unlikely to achieve willing agreement to what you want. People who have excellent rapport with others create harmonious relationships based on trust and understanding of mutual needs.

Rapport is the cornerstone of all mutually effective relationships. It needs constant vigilance to keep it alive and effective.

We have rapport :-)

Jono

[Brian Carroll]

Great story! I think you're describing something I've heard called mirroring. We all do it naturally when communicating with others except what you did was was more deliberate.

I got this from the Wikipedia, "Also called Matching or Pacing, the extent to which you can match another person's behavior, both verbally and non-verbally, will increase rapport, and there are as many channels as your sensory ability can discriminate."

The best rapport may be gained by mirroring not too exactly, but close enough so they get that comfortable feeling without feeling mocked. If people want to know more they can search for "mirroring" on Google.

[Carol - UK Copywriter]

Hi Jill,

great example - and I can certainly empathise with you. Many years ago, before I'd discovered these communication skills, I had a client where one of the main contacts - like your Don - was a very slow talker.

My biggest challenge at the time was stopping myself from finishing his sentences for him!

I suspect anyone who tends to speak quite quickly will know where I'm coming from with that! ;)

And it was even more difficult because I was providing IT training services at the time!

I'm older and wiser now, of course, so I find it a lot easier to 'pace myself' enough to make people comfortable when we speak. But it is something we do need to remind ourselves about occasionally.

I'll refer to this on my blog, thanks.

[Niall Devitt]

Great post. When a seller is trying this out for the first time, its sometimes better to make only slight adjustments so as not to feel silly or sound too obvious. However once the salesperson has practiced the technique and is more comfortable, the matching becomes almost second nature. Seasoned NLP practitioners will even change the types of words they use to better match the prospect's personality.

[Gentlerain Marketing]

Thanks for sharing tips!!!
Most of the people are doing online business..
Online business people want to create instant rapport with their customers.
Your information will be useful to all business people to create instant rapport with their clients!!!!