Click here to read the winning sales limericks.
A few weeks ago I went to Ireland to speak to a group of entrepreneurs. While there, I was inspired me to write some limericks, an Irish form of nonsensical poetry.
They were so fun to create, that I decided to sponsor the ...
- TO ENTER: Create your own SALES limerick & share it below.
- WINNERS: The top three limerick writers get an autographed copy of my book, SNAP Selling.
Here are my attempts! I hope you enjoy them.
Who just loved to yakkety yak.
He made customers itch
When he delivered his pitch
Then wondered why no one called back.
There once was a lady named Bella
Who was trying to sell to this fella.
When they finally did meet,
She didn't miss a beat
'Fore she put him through PowerPoint hella.
There once was a man name Peter
Who wanted to buy a new heater.
But he was so appalled
When the sales lady called
Without thinking, he quickly delete her.
_________________
SUBMIT YOUR SALES LIMERICK BELOW
Remember, limericks always have five lines and
their rhyming scheme is aabba.
There once was a guy named Jude
He considered himself a road warrior dude
Then along came the phone
And now he lies prone
Selling high tech to those who he wooed.
Posted by: trish bertuzzi | 06/15/2011 at 06:54 AM
there once was a lady called Jill
whose goal was to spread sales goodwill
her email fanzine
kept subscribers keen
and their quotas they always did fill
Posted by: Andrew Hagger | 06/15/2011 at 07:02 AM
"Sell, sell," the execs say
The money's never enough for the day
"Well, well," go the frazzled employees
We have tried all to no ease
The problem must be the product you display
Posted by: Wumio | 06/15/2011 at 07:33 AM
There was a salesman from Zorneding,
Who rang every doorbell with a ding-a-ling,
Doors slammed in his face,
He was a disgrace,
But turned it around with Snap Selling.
Posted by: SalesDuJour | 06/15/2011 at 07:56 AM
If selling to big companies is tough
And your Boss says you don't do it enough
Get Jill Konrath's book
And take a good look
'Cause it's filled with lots of great stuff
Posted by: Jamie Bradley | 06/15/2011 at 08:15 AM
I knew this fella called Mike,
who couldn't decide what he like,
when he sat on his hands,
he couldn't meet the demands,
of this journey known as life!
Posted by: Mike Sutton | 06/15/2011 at 08:17 AM
There was a mama named Sherry,
who was tall and thin and so fairy,
as she preps for her day,
she says prayers all the way,
and her world, well it ain't so scary!
Posted by: Mike Sutton | 06/15/2011 at 08:22 AM
There once was a sales rep from Maine.
With Creative ideas she just couldn't contain.
After reading Snap Selling multiple times.
Jill's now got her working on rhymes.
You better go to debbartlett.com before we all go in sane!
Posted by: Debbie Bartlett | 06/15/2011 at 08:25 AM
There once was a tweeter named Pete
who loved to send tweet after tweet
he sent Jill a tweet to ask for a meet
but Jill quickly retreated
For she labeled him twitter-fella from hella
Posted by: Rareagent | 06/15/2011 at 08:28 AM
if your intentions they are diabolical
no matter if your pitch seems economical
the prospects they know
your desires do show
and your delivery will just appear comical
Posted by: Lynn Hidy | 06/15/2011 at 08:35 AM
There once was a chap named Sonny
He loved selling and people thought him funny
Alas, he forgot to close
Even though it was right under his nose
He had a lot of friends, but no money!
Posted by: Brooke Fredette | 06/15/2011 at 09:13 AM
Sales and marketing were out of alignment.
Neither could finish an assignment.
When they got on the same page
And defined leads on the same guage
Revenue broke through its confinement.
Posted by: Jeff Kryder | 06/15/2011 at 09:14 AM
To be great at making the sale
Research to the finest detail
Your prospect's predicament
Or a recent trigger event
Be their solution and you'll never fail
Posted by: Bonnie Lowe | 06/15/2011 at 09:18 AM
There was a fine woman called Jill,
Whose sales forecasts looked like a big hill
She thought what the fcuk,
I'll write another book,
SNAP SELLING was born, ring that till!
Posted by: Robert Wright | 06/15/2011 at 09:39 AM
there once was a salesman from chicago,
who repeated his shrill ostinato.
he failed to ask questions,
or give sound direction
and vanished from sales long ago.
Posted by: Dean Engel | 06/15/2011 at 09:46 AM
There once was a top sales guy who hung with some dudes
They said just use the schmooz
He figured it would open up a new door
But it didn't and it had no rapport
And now he has the sales blues.
Posted by: Steve Shire - President Shire Commercial | 06/15/2011 at 09:48 AM
Selling to Big Companies was it's name,
The book that created Jill's fame,
It made the smart think,
My sales approach must stink,
Now the smart are rich and the rest are lame
Posted by: Robert Wright | 06/15/2011 at 09:50 AM
There once was a Gatekeeper named Jane
With whom I knew my message was left in vain
She was not a snob
Just doing her job
Blocking sales calls again and again.
Posted by: "C" | 06/15/2011 at 09:51 AM
There once was a CRM tool
The reps all thought it was real cool
It listed the deals and accounts
It helped build sales pipeline amounts
and WOW it made the competitors drool!
Posted by: Sue Glannan | 06/15/2011 at 09:55 AM
There once was a rep with much zeal
Who tried hard to win every deal
When her compeitor walked by
She let out a cry
Knowing she'd outsell for the steal!
Posted by: Sue Glannan | 06/15/2011 at 10:00 AM
There once was a box maker named Rick
That complained that his glue wouldn't stick
I told him there is nothing wrong
You are simply taking too long
And must close those flaps really quick
Posted by: Laurie | 06/15/2011 at 10:19 AM
There was a fair lady named Jill
In selling she had lots of skill
She could sell snow
To and Eskimo
To watch her was quite a thrill
Posted by: David | 06/15/2011 at 10:29 AM
Selling is quite universal
For most it requires rehearsal
Much can distract
But the wallet is stacked
When bad habits get a reversal
Posted by: Chris Morgan | 06/15/2011 at 10:40 AM
There once was an Arab named Ahmed
He had to sell just one more bed
When he cold called a chick
His accent was too thick
She bought 100 pieces of lead
Posted by: Charlene | 06/15/2011 at 11:05 AM
Manager says “Dial for the dollar!”
And like lemmings we foller
But wait! A better way?
Sharpen message! Research; add insight and value!
My quota’s that speck I just blew through!
Posted by: Dangerruss70 | 06/15/2011 at 11:19 AM
Marketing blames sales
For all that ails.
But when they agree
On lead quality
Revenue growth prevails.
Posted by: Elizabeth Fairleigh | 06/15/2011 at 11:53 AM
The secret to selling
Is that it's more like compelling
And it's also good to assess
Where we've found best success
As this is the road to excelling
Posted by: Laurie | 06/15/2011 at 12:04 PM
There once was a fellow from Killarney
who was filled to the brim with the blarney.
Whatever he spoke
came out as a joke,
and two sides of a dish called McFarney.
There once was a lady from White Bear
who couldn't decide what to wear.
She said no to a coat
(she was traveling by boat)
and left for her trip fully bare.
While selling one day to a lady,
Bill made a suggestion quite shady.
She took him to task --
"Are you crazy?" she asked --
and struck him a blow quite weighty.
Posted by: Bill Hampton | 06/15/2011 at 12:28 PM
There was a young man from Crete,
who's emails I'd always delete.
Then he learned how I think,
now his emails don't stink,
nor does his balance sheet.
Posted by: Donfperkins | 06/15/2011 at 01:10 PM
There once was a hardware store marketing gal named Gail
It’s so sad she never understood or used direct mail
Her boss asked her for a number & it was all he could stand
As she spoke on and on about concepts & brand
He then fired Gail for not selling a hammer or nail
Posted by: Steve Fowler | 06/15/2011 at 01:18 PM
There once was a gal from Nantucket
Whose sales were down deep in the bucket
She had value to sell
But could not do it well
And with each click of the phone she said... "shuck-it."
Posted by: Scott Byorum | 06/15/2011 at 01:18 PM
There once was an introvert in sales,
She was asked why she was so mute.
But she was confused.
And looked rather amused,
"Because I choose to listen rather than toot."
Posted by: Patweber | 06/15/2011 at 01:36 PM
Again there's that introvert who sells,
People wondered if she was having fun.
Being asked this often times,
She found it odd and so she chimed,
"Of course I do; and there doesn't even have to be a crowd."
Posted by: Patweber | 06/15/2011 at 01:37 PM
Sean was enjoyin upthere in the air
Cause he got 2 big client in his pocket pairs
One day he just lost both client
Started wondering how to get new giants
Asked me how be compelling?
I said - right there - SNAP Selling
Posted by: Abhyuday Singh | 06/15/2011 at 01:40 PM
There once was a print salesman named Ben
he delivered a job and the client called back
saying there was a misprint on the back
It was not Ben's fault so they reordered again.
Posted by: Scott | 06/15/2011 at 01:43 PM
There once was a rep named Linn
Who did all he could do to Win
When he won a big deal
He celebrated with a meal
The rest he drowned in his Gin....
Posted by: Sue Glannan | 06/15/2011 at 02:18 PM
A great sales mentor to me,
Taught me how to listen and see,
That speaking abrupt,
Or “ show up and throw up”
Will not gain you the trust that you need.
Posted by: Mike Janisse | 06/15/2011 at 02:43 PM
There once was an expert named Jill,
Who knew we were selling uphill,
While we were taking our hits,
She gave us some tips,
And helped to make selling a thrill.
Posted by: JMA | 06/15/2011 at 03:17 PM
There was once a hot shot sales fella
who took to the streets without an umbrella
the skies opened up and he was a yellin'
get me to the ivory tower so I can be a sellin
He subscribed to Konrath and is now gellin'
Posted by: Anthony Juliano | 06/15/2011 at 04:11 PM
There once was a lady named Jill
To her audience she is quite a thrill
Sales tips are her game
It brings her great fame
And you won't mind paying the bill!
Posted by: Earl W. Ford | 06/15/2011 at 04:32 PM
There once was a marketer named Earl
His limerick was judged quite a pearl
He wanted Jill's book
But he needed a hook
So he sent this and gave it a whirl!
Posted by: Earl W. Ford | 06/15/2011 at 04:41 PM
When a prospect asks me for a price
I typically give this advice:
"Let me teach you my product
So you’ll know more about it"
Otherwise I’m just rolling the dice
Posted by: Carolyngsell | 06/15/2011 at 05:04 PM
If you’re in the sales profession
Take notice of this fine suggestion
You goal is to close
While hearing the “no’s”
It’s not just to make a connection
Posted by: Carolyngsell | 06/15/2011 at 05:49 PM
A sales rep known from afar
Loved taking prospects to the bar
His spiel he'd deliver
Like the pints to his liver,
Which sadly now rests in a jar.
Posted by: Tyler Wirth | 06/15/2011 at 07:42 PM
There once was a sales coach named O’Tool
Whose programs and solutions were cool.
His customers are rich
Because he understood their niche
And now they relax by the pool.
Posted by: Mike Cooper | 06/15/2011 at 09:38 PM
There once was sales rep not selling
And tears in his eyes were welling
He snapped up your book
And took a quick look
And now his sales figures are swelling.
Posted by: Dave Jordan | 06/16/2011 at 01:51 AM
There once was a sales dude name Thor,
A lousy inquisitor.
His presentations were stale.
He never asked for the sale.
He’s a professional visitor.
Posted by: Mike Cooper | 06/16/2011 at 07:06 AM
There once was a man from the Mitt,
he served just a wee little bit.
He had some good news,
everyone could sure use.
And he thought it would be a good fit.
Posted by: Ted Lee Sadler | 06/16/2011 at 10:01 AM
There is also this writer called Jo
Who thinks Earl at limericks is pro
But she does want to win
So she’s diving right in
Hoping Earl she does overthrow.
Posted by: Jo Ann Rose | 06/16/2011 at 11:09 AM
Jo can write, Jo can sing, Jo can dance.
Jo can sell if you give her a chance,
To apply Konrath's principles,
That will make prospects sizzle,
And become customers at a glance!
Posted by: Jo Ann Rose | 06/16/2011 at 11:27 AM
I was trying to sell perfume to "Rose",
But all she did was turn up her nose.
I needed a new strategy to tap,
So I read Konrath's book SNAP,
And made a scent Roses's nose finally chose!
Posted by: Brian Lunde | 06/17/2011 at 11:11 AM
There once was a sales guy named Michael
Who hated his long sales cycle
After reading "Snap Selling"
His bosses are yelling
We wish we had more folks like Michael
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:21 AM
There once was a sales guy named Jed
With proposals his prospects would dread
Jill said, prospects will think that it’s neat
if you'd cut to the meat
And he found himself miles ahead
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:30 AM
Many "experts" write books
That aren't worth second looks
But there's one called "Snap Selling"
That everyone's telling
is a guideline for sales that cooks
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:31 AM
There once was a sales guy named Rudy
who sold a bit like "Judge Judy"
He'd stick to the facts
and keep things on track
And now he can't spend all his "booty"
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:33 AM
There once was a lady named Lizzy
Whose prospects were always too busy
But she figured out
a message with clout
and now she's so busy she's dizzy
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:35 AM
There once was a buyer named Mel
Who timed sales calls with a bell
If you took too much time
at the ring of the chime
Your proposal went to circular file Hell
Posted by: Bob McIntyre | 06/17/2011 at 11:37 AM
I once took a big selling course,
That taught you to make sales by force,
But i quickly changed styles,
And sold more with smiles,
And now I'm a trusted sales source.
Posted by: Trinity | 06/20/2011 at 12:15 PM
There once was a guy named A. Hummel
Who needed to improve his sales funnel
He read Jill Konrath's SNAP Selling
and changed his approach to emailing
and increased his close rate by double
Posted by: GenoBizDev | 06/21/2011 at 03:13 PM
There once was a prospect named Ray
Who just had to be called every day
So the rep rang without fail
With big hopes for a sale
Only to find no pay
Posted by: Brian Rood | 06/24/2011 at 10:07 AM
My sales manager said go door-to-door
I exited my car and sighed what a bore!
So I walked and I knocked
Hoping someone would talk!
Alas, this is not the best method de jour
Posted by: Brian Rood | 06/24/2011 at 10:16 AM
Here's a tongue twister I thought up during a ballgame ;)
There was a customer from Ossining
Not one sales rep could sell her anything
To Jill Konrath one rep subscribed
On Jill’s book Snap Selling she imbibed
And now sells the woman in Ossening everything
Posted by: SalesDuJour | 06/25/2011 at 02:06 PM
There once was a sales guy named Luke
His sales pitch was nothing but puke
Not noticing the prospect was ready to buy
Someone needed to shut the mouth on this guy
They were ready to sign but now they rebuke
There once was a sales guy with a big mouth
He couldn't figure why his deal had gone south
The dollar signs in his head began to glisten
So much so he forgot to listen
Forgetting he has 2 ears and only one mouth
A sales person with a passion to succeed, it burned
To be recognized by his peers is what he truly yearned
A top achiever who was always admired
Until one day he cheated on his gas receipts and got fired
Honesty and integrity before sales numbers was the lesson he learned
There was a sales team who lived on the shoals
Top performers who always exceeded their goals
For each call they prepped and came prepared
Doing this gave them no reason to be scared
A lesson worthy of a mention on the Dead Sea Scrolls
Posted by: Adam | 06/28/2011 at 12:20 AM
There was a direct marketer whose mailing
Ne'r once resulted in failing
But then she used a call to action
That provided no satisfaction
So she suffered through all of sales' wailing
Posted by: Janice | 06/28/2011 at 01:19 PM
A salesmen is quick with his tongue
For on quotas his incentives are hung
And if his mouth isn't telling
A story compelling
His stomach's slow groans will be sung.
Posted by: John | 06/28/2011 at 09:16 PM